Manuel São Bento
Written on 12/27/2025
I headed into this 2025 reimagining of ANACONDA - not a remake! - with a mix of cautious optimism and a heavy dose of nostalgia for the 1997 original. Having followed Tom Gormican's knack for meta-humor, I was curious to see if he could successfully transplant that self-aware energy into a creature feature. What I found was a film that thrives when it leans into its own absurdity, particularly through a movie-within-a-movie satire that mirrors the chaotic, often delusional passion of indie filmmaking. The central dynamic between Paul Rudd and Jack Black is the undeniable heartbeat of the experience; their natural chemistry makes the midlife-crisis subtext feel surprisingly grounded amidst the jungle mayhem. However, the true scene-stealer is Selton Mello, who delivers a hilariously eccentric performance that perfectly captures the film's comedic aspirations. It's a journey that feels like a heartfelt tribute to the struggle of creation, even when the actual "creation" is a B-movie disaster.
Despite these highs, the film frequently trips over its own tonal inconsistencies, struggling to bridge the gap between sharp Hollywood satire and a genuine horror-thriller. This imbalance is most apparent in the lackluster VFX; the titular snake often feels weightless and digital, lacking the physical menace that made the original's animatronics so memorable. My biggest disappointment, however, lies in how the script handles its supporting cast. As someone who has championed Daniela Melchior from the start, seeing her relegated to such an underdeveloped, shallow role was frustrating — she, just like Thandiwe Newton, deserves much more than being mere background noise to the lead duo's antics. Coupled with a redundant subplot involving illegal miners that adds unnecessary bloat, the movie loses its way whenever it drifts from its core comedic premise.
Ultimately, ANACONDA is a fun, meta-experiment that works best as a character-driven comedy, even if it fails to leave a lasting mark as a creature feature.
Rating: B-
CinemaSerf
Written on 12/30/2025
Perhaps if they’d screened the first version of this story from 1997 followed by the whole of “Quatch” then I might have better appreciated this Sony reboot of the story? Then again, maybe not. Right from the start, we know that there is a giant snake at large and so when recently fired bit-part actor “Griff” (Paul Rudd) suggests to his “Quatch” co-star, wedding video director “Doug” (Jack Black) that he has acquired the rights to remake “Anaconda” - only without Eric Stolz, they leap at the opportunity and set off with pals “Claire” (Thandiwe Newton); “Kenny” (Steve Zahn) and slightly less than ten thousand bucks. Before they even manage to embark on their boat, though, they find themselves caught up in some local gold smuggling shenanigans thanks to “Ana” (Daniela Melchior) and then another - legitimate - film crew sails onto the scene, too. “Ana” turns out to be quite the action-hero and soon there is friction on the boat, “Griff” has gone off in the huff and yep, eventually, our scaly terror begins to make it’s presence felt. When I say scaly, I could mean leather skinned or I could mean a creature that appears to grow and shrink in size depending on the scenario. At some points it’s like “Godzilla”, at others more like “Godzooki” - so it’s more a sort of comedy menace from the cutting room floor of a “Jurassic Park”. Jack Black looks like he is enjoying himself as he traipses through the foliage chewing on regurgitated squirrel but that’s about the standard of the comedy here; there’s not much of it, and by the time we get to the sharp end of the film I was a bit bored. Perhaps the plan was to parody loads of other features from this genre? Rudd and Black work well together, but there simply isn’t enough for them to work with as the storyline dissolves disappointingly. It wasn’t really a plot that needed a second shot, and sadly this rather proves that point but it’s watchable Chrimbo-limbo cinema fodder - just nobody’s finest hour, not even the snake’s.
It was more fun than scary. Especially the scene at the end where the guy shows off his actions in public as an achievement was great 😂 I liked it and it's definitely worth watching. The acting is fantastic, the effects are good, and the script is entertaining. I think it deserves a 7 out of 10. Thank you for your hard work.
Sierbahnn
Written on 6/1/2026
Technically proficient, creatively dead inside
This is a parody of itself, a low-effort attempt at sincerity and with great acting to gloss it all over. It is not a good movie, although technically proficient and looking lovely, the story just does not carry, despite the heroic effort of the actors involved. If you want a good Anaconda go rewatch the 90s one. Even one or two of the sequels. They were not as pretty, but they had more heart.
